Final Destination 3 (2006)

Another batch of people and accidents

From playing on fears of planes to automobiles to here carnivals and even trains--minus Steve Martin--"FD3" picks right back up with a fresh batch of survivors that are going to turn victims for our sadistic viewing pleasure. There's another sight-seeing person--borrowed from the Frank Black "Millennium" template--who has the premonition ability that we all wish we had, as most of us get it in the end only with a stupid grin on our faces by thinking: So, that's how it's going to happen?

"I was having that feeling like deja vu, you know? Except for something that hasn't happened yet," the late teen, Wendy, says after going out with her friends to snap a couple of photos for the yearbook at the local fair, along with to take part in all the seemingly safe rides before stepping out into the real world after high school. She feels off and not just from the smell of carney food and strange atmosphere, but something truly isn't right. All this boils inside her and she eventually freaks after getting a vivid premonition, which causes her to narrowly escape a grim fate along with several "lucky" others that as viewers by now know are only prolonging the inevitable.

Caring for the collective ensemble of characters at this point is not at the front of your mind, as most of 'em aren't even given personalities beyond the surface. They still manage to take their roles somewhat seriously instead of just going through the motions, and that makes it a little less straightforward than it could have ended up being. Similar to the template of the first two films, a gal and a guy--this time the boyfriend of Wendy's lost friend named Kevin--have to analyze her photos that came with a few clues as to what's in store for those that escaped Death's clutches. Of course, the others don't believe it, as they think it's just a coincidence, which the audience--with hands rubbed diabolically together--knows that their unwilling ability to accept the facts is only going to perpetuate the pileup of bodies.

We live in a world where not everything is secure and foolproof. Essentially every waking day is a risk and the message here is that you might as well not know when your time is up or how it's going to happen as it comes with extreme anxiety and paranoia. Think less along the lines of nail bitting and sweating at the brow and more closer to a homeless man with a crack addiction walking through Harlem with a C note in his pocket. Sometimes it feels like there's a little less tact and subtley involved and it kind of takes away from any building tension but this still manages to deliver a sudden, shocking gory depiction when the victim finally gets it. Because let's face it, they did piss off Death and after all we're made mostly of water and all those sharp and heavy objects that we've constructed in the modern day came back to bite us in ways we never expected.

"FD3" plays on the whole "safe danger" aspect we get so used to, where something is done so many times that you accept that there's no real threat. That optimistic phrase you always remind yourself about: What's the worst that could happen? Comes with a few gruesome and somewhat creative answers for the next time some person spouts that one without thinking ahead. Director/writer James Wong and writer/producer Glen Morgan team up again from the first film. The tone has a little less dark humor and takes itself a little more seriously than the second film, even with some extra time given to think about the after effects of death, such as guilt and denial, even if it's not put in a way that's extremely ponderous stuff. There are some effective scenes, though for the most part this isn't entirely scary as it also has tendency to break itself down and make fun of its very own concept past the point of just being skeptical.

"FD3" isn't exactly producing anything more than "FD2" in that it follows a template that you can rely on rather than goes beyond expectations. The abrupt ending could have used some more work as it fell right into what you thought it was going to do if you've seen the others and by now feels a little cheap. Otherwise this might be an old trick to a new audience if you haven't seen the other films. Though it's still not entirely underwhelming in that they're still working hard at delivering gory and inventive death scenes with pretty teens. Destruction of beauty is always a beautiful thing in itself, don't you think?

Rating: 5/10

Director: James Wong (The One)
Stars: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Ryan Merriman, Tony Todd
Link: IMDB

Hatchet (2006)

A one way tour

"Hatchet" is a horror tale that takes place in New Orleans like "Candyman 2," "Dracula 2000," "The Skeleton Key" and even "Interview with the Vampire," except the tone shifts away from the ominous shadows captured in the past and goes in and out of slapstick, almost cartoonish comedy with gruesome blood and gore shown to still make it a sadistic ride.

New Orleans, Louisiana, or NOLA, is home to the fleur de lis, festive masks, plastic beads and according to this movie Victor Crowley who haunts a particular stretch of swampland most locals stay clear of out fear of flesh eating alligators or just plain old superstitions--sometimes both. A couple of buddies are living up the party life in the French Quarter, when two break off for a haunted tour on the bayou that looks about as hokey as they come. Their tour guide is a Victorian dressed Asian guy with fake local accent, laughable theatrics and drives them around in the "Scare Bus" and "Scare Boat." We get the goofy young dude, token black hipster, quiet woman, enthusiastic older couple, two bimbos--one smart, one dumb--and a horny guy to film them topless with his camera any chance he gets.

On the way back from the unbelieving tour--due the guide reading off cue cards and providing exaggerated information--the boat gets stuck. When one of them steps off a ravenous gator leaps out to take a nibble but is stopped when the quiet woman suddenly pulls a gun. She's carrying because she is looking for her siblings who suspiciously went missing a few days before. The rest of the group soon jumps off to land when the boat starts to sink, thus starting the second half. The woman proceeds to tell them one ghost story they soon believe: that the disfigured Victory Crowley actually exists and they're all in for heaps of trouble if they don't stick together and avoid his blood-craving, vengeful hatchet.


One by one they're hunted by the "Elephant Man" on roids. The film has some extremely gory death scenes, though quickly turns into a bunch of misguided idiots running scared back and forth in the woods as Crowley literally pops out of nowhere to go "arrggghhh!" They have to figure out how the rules--that is if there are any rules--work to kill him before they all get taken alive in a heinously bloody fashion. Never hearing of Murphy's law, they never once get the hint to check if he's dead after wounding him at different times. "Hatchet" is certainly not boring and actually has some funny and crude humor with some well timed out chemistry for comedy. I felt this was its strength along with some over-the-top gory scenes that put some slashers of the '80s to shame due to MPAA guidelines and this being the day and age of the unrated to sell DVDs. Though the survival horror part towards the second half feels unrefined, as if the filmmakers made it up as they went in a rush like they ran out of money or ideas. Even if it's giving obvious homage to slashers and is going for intentional humor, that still doesn't excuse it so easily.

Rating: 5/10

Director: Adam Green (Coffee & Donuts)
Stars: Kane Hodder, Joel David Moore, Deon Richmond, Tony Todd
Link: IMDB

Turistas (2006)

When vacationing turns into survival

Enter Brazil: a beautiful and strange country to a foreigner with exotic wildlife and a mixed bag of locals who speak a flavorful tongue. A paternal brother looks after his sister and her friend while vacationing on the north eastern side of the country, which is a fantastic sight to behold but spells trouble for the on-screen characters as there's less wealth and modernization than the other states to the south. You don't need a translator in Portuguese to realize that means less help. Think of "Turistas" as something along the lines of a tropical version of "Tourist Trap" and "The Hills Have Eyes" that instead focuses on adventure and the natives than on the weirdos and grime.

Degue fever, favelas and rip currents didn't get these turistas, though right from the get-go danger lurks from a near fatal bus accident due to a reckless driver. This puts a damper on their plans as another ride would take half the day to pick them up. A secluded beach front seems like the better idea in the downtime with a full bar, attractive locals and fun and games. That is until they wake up groggy, not just from an alcohol hangover, but from spiked sedatives in their drinks. All of their possessions are gone, as well as their ride home. A young guy from last night named Kiko offers to take them to his uncle's house. After trekking for hours through the jungle, they scavenge food, drink and clothing and await the arrival of the uncle who's been shown all the while in different scenes interacting with others with a controlling and violent temper. At this point, getting back their belongings and going home is the least of their worries.

There isn't enough time for character development, though "Turistas" has credible acting and natural bonding between the cast for the steady pace it moves at. This sets up shreds of momentary believability for a total foreigner entering this large tropical land full of beauty, mystery and potential danger. This is a play on what "Deliverance" did back when it came out for folks who live in backwoods country in the United States, even if both circumstances are very remote from happening, as it's cinematic entertainment that focuses on the unusual and one can't look too far into it or let it spoil their future vacation plans. This is an adventure-thriller that injects shocking horror that includes some explicit gore in the unrated version. This has suspense that radiates with gripping tension as you witness these people go into survival mode. The story had an inevitable turn out, though it doesn't feel as manipulated as others that have borrowed the formula, as some of the specific trials and tribulations they go through have potential to put you in the moment with them.

Rating: 7/10

Director: John Stockwell (Crazy/Beautiful, Blue Crush, Into the Blue)
Stars: Josh Duhamel, Melissa George, Olivia Wilde
Link: IMDB

Cannibal (2006) - 2 of 3: Internet Death Fetish Trilogy

Once opening this door, it's impossible to shut behind you

This reminded me of a two man version of "In the Realm of the Senses" in regards to focusing primarily on the physicality of a relationship than a layered story or strict narrative. Going with that, "Cannibal" is probably THE most twisted "love" drama out there in the wide world of cinema. While it doesn't succeed in the normal sense, it's a film for most that is going to be incredibly difficult to watch, not because it's overly sad or intentionally going for terror, but because as you're witnessing the bizarre events unfold you realize this was based on a real life encounter between Arwin Meiwes and Bernd Jurgen Brandes of Germany only five years prior to the film being released. The filmmakers included their own poetic license but left the rest up to our two friends to fill in the rest with their piece of strange history committed.

This is paced very slowly, at a purposeful rate and with extremely tight close-ups to the point of where it's hard to focus on what's going at moments. Communication wise, this goes for subtlety and tone rather than a reliance on dialogue. The music gives more mood towards sentiment than ominous overtures to come like in a typical horror movie going for suspense. This definitely has the potential to be shocking but the filmmakers leave that up to the viewer, as everything is shown point-blank, as is, no acceptance or dismissal of it: it was what it was. I found it downright uncomfortable, as it plays on odd and unfamiliar fetishes between two men that includes frequent kissing, fondling, tender touches and insertion. Not to mention it treats the material extremely personal without a hint of cutting away. There's no break here, except if you count dining on some privy body parts, lounging around completely nude with unsightly appendages dangling this way or that, or soaking up the sun while feeding a garden with left over human remains.

This won't make tops of lists of items to watch again, nor is it a film to invite others over to see with you. That is unless you've got time on your hands with some explaining to do, or you're playing a daring game of who can keep their eyes on the screen longest without covering up or looking away. It's hard to call this a "good" film. Though in the basic and unconventional framework that it delivers in it's an effective one. I haven't had to take a break when watching a picture since seeing "Salo"; this is even over no story exploitation pictures like "The Devil's Experiment" and "Aftermath" where I've killed a party and had other people leave the room, never to let me put on another film again. I can't say I agree with anything I seen here but the filmmakers were able to display a certain event without even having to inject little horror-like scares, but by just showing the audience what happened behind those walls that you'll wish never came down. If you didn't take the hint: get out now. This isn't scary, as you'll probably win the lottery and get struck by lightning in the same day before it happens to you. Except for maybe giving hope to those strange folks who's irregular interests stunt dating, the regular viewer won't be put in their shoes and there are no real relating points that are emphasized here, such as with the movie "Grimm Love" about the same subject and the whole sentimental approach and look into their background.

In the end there isn't a big purpose as it leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination, guy soiling himself as he's missing his member and then leaking out the other end as he's dying and all. They squeezed in some tie-ins to "The Brothers Grimm" for some ambiguous meaning that seems a lost cause, though it doesn't appear like there is anything to ponder about here, except maybe why they would do this with each other and have the other one so willing to be a participant, or even how two guys like this lived so close? Is it just a modern thing, is the Internet the accelerator? There aren't going to be any heroes or villains, story arcs, layered surprises, just a non-stop candid look up to, during and briefly after these mens' interaction. Nothing fundamentally more, nothing sincerely less.

Rating: 6/10

Stars: Carsten Frank, Victor Brandl
Links: IMDB, Real story link

Grimm Love (2006) - Part 1 of 3: Internet Death Fetish Trilogy

A heavy-handed sympathy piece

This was inspired by the real life case of Armin Meiwes who put an ad over an Internet site looking for a willing victim to be slaughtered and their flesh consumed. What made the case so unusual was he was not only serious but another man named Bernd Jurgen Brandes obliged apparently without being physically forced as a share of the event was captured on videotape. "Grimm Love" is a tale that paces as a dark narrative drama with a fictional college student named Katie Armstrong, played by Keri Russell, returning to where these two lived in Germany in an attempt to get inside their heads for a research paper.

Instead of concentrating on horror and shock, the filmmakers switch back and forth between the present with Ms. Armstrong and also in the past with the two men who eventually meet up in a kind of twisted, interconnected fate. Oliver (based on Meiwes) is shown as far back as adolescence with his father leaving, trouble fitting in at school, as well as having no life apart from taking care of his ailing mother. He's alone and looking for companionship, though his way of connecting with people isn't hugs, kisses or long conversations, but instead a longing fixation of consuming the flesh of someone special to feel stimulation and closeness.

Simon (based on Brandes) is a homosexual who fears showing his feelings in public out of misunderstandings and ridicule. He has severe depression and searches for a sense of belonging through some normal and not so normal ways. He looks at extreme fetishes on an Internet chatroom as a way of feeling alive from a life that never accepted him. In 2003, Gay Chinese actor/composer Leslie Cheung was successful but still committed suicide by jumping off a building, likewise Simon also has things going for him, though it's too much and he wants to meet his end with symbolism that directly "severs" ties with his burdensome sexuality that gives him a guilt complex from his mother's suicide at an early age.

Dodging the pulse-pounding route of "Silence of the Lambs," this comes across more like "Kalifornia" by hearing the thoughts and experiences as they come through with narration. It also flows as slow as Cronenberg's "Spider" in an attempt at an on-the-surface character study of these atypical individuals' thought processes and motivations. Though the college student's montages about how these two men affect her take up extra screen time away from finding out more. There are metaphors and poetic wordings interspliced to sway the audience towards deep sympathy for these two fractured individuals. Sometimes making you think with introspection, but at other times being desperate to make a point and forcing their way in, like some of Keri Russells' obvious voice overs instead of letting the camera do the talking.

"Grimm Love" isn't going to be like watching a biopic on the History Channel by just stating the events as is, as the filmmakers are doing select reporting to be more convincing towards a certain compassionate, sentimental way of thinking than letting your own thoughts flow free. To some it's going to be touching, to others it's going to be sympathy for the devil. The heavy leaning towards the first here can take away from the experience as it feels written with a prior agenda in mind, not to mention before all things were considered in the case as the real events took place in only 2001 and an overturned verdict came in 2006 when this came out. I like the angle of diving into their background even if it breaks psychology down for the layman, though this would have worked better as a biography with anecdotes from relatives, friends and experts. Or if a story is to be had, something like the route taken with "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer," where the director of that film said he feels that he shouldn't have to decide a stance for the viewer, that that's up to them.

This isn't an exploitation film that takes advantage of real events such as "Men Behind the Sun" did, as it's more suggestive than showing candid nudity and bodily infliction like "Cannibal" about the same events. Though by the time it closes--right after the infamous scenario between the men that's akin to the real life events in "In the Realm of the Senses"--it can't seem to decide what it wanted to be. In the beginning and middle it was going out of its way to reason with the audience that these guys aren't just a couple of kooks with mental issues like the media sensationalized. Though by its close they left the story up in the air and ambiguous with the young woman being either deeply moved or having a change of heart. It makes me believe she was only included as a ploy for the writers to speak through her and then at the end decided it was time enough to let the audience choose. Not to mention at an inopportune time as it ends abruptly and doesn't show what happened next.

Rating: 4/10

Stars: Keri Russell, Thomas Kretschmann, Thomas Huber
Links: IMDB, Real story link