Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Abraham Van Lincoln

By: JWBM

When the trailer for this film first came out, I was tightly crossing my arms and thinking this was probably nothing but a silly gimmick solely concocted by Hollywood to sell some tickets and run. Then again, Romanians probably think those odd for using loose elements of the historical figure of Vlad Tepes and transforming him into a fanged dark lord. The premise of "Vampire Hunter" is just as over-the-top and ludicrous as you'd expect, though surprisingly it has a certain level of entertainment and charm to it that manages to keep one's attention throughout. Instead of going the route of historical revisionism with a comedic approach and a vibe like "Bill & Ted" or "Clone High," this blends fantasy, action, and horror into a more serious undertaking of an alternate timeline to Lincoln's life—as serious as throwing popcorn in your mouth, while not cracking a smile from one-liners that is. You can imagine, though, Lincoln's real-life relatives are rolling in their graves.

What I like about the story is it will do something that would question your sense of disbelief, but then in the next scene act more grounded and allow room to breathe. It begins as a simple revenge tale with a formula taken straight out of the textbook of an old kung fu film. You know the one: an all-knowing master that's willing to show the ways of the secret arts in a short amount of time for the ultimate show down with the all-powerful villain who prays on the weak. You get fancy moves that defy physics, philosophical catch phrases, and now a more hardened and determined character with a silver tipped axe that acts as if he has the confidence of a gang of ten men. Lincoln still has a certain calm temperament between slayings: enough that he still doesn't lie, manages to bag the hottest lass in town, and become president of the United States of America no less with the intent to abolish slavery.

The film has a massive budget to show off an array of stylish and slick action scenes that'll make the eyes-wide and your imagination go wild. This is coming from the director of "Night Watch" and "Wanted" if that says anything for how far someone's abilities are going to be taken, or how the aesthetics of the scene will perfectly line up in a smooth fashion. Sometimes so much so that some powers and certain rules are inconsistent over the measured timing of certain parts. If not for some moments to tie in Lincoln's life, the film would be a solid action flick throughout. The horror side of it goes only as far as being mildly surprising, rather than outright terrifying due to only so many limitations from the monsters; plus an odd sense of boosted strength from humans as well. It's more like a neck and neck good versus evil tale, than a total domination creature feature.

We've seen countless vampire stories since Stoker's novel hit the shelves. Some of them tried and true Gothic tales; others more modern to look like they're happening right next door; or as an excuse for amped up sexuality, or violence. Here, we have a whole new creative animal: it's eccentric, it's unconventional, it's a history professor's worst nightmare, though one must accept that before going in. That still doesn't excuse the overall experience. It's a senseless premise that still keeps its senses when played out. It does have a certain flow that doesn't snag, a sense of worked-through plot, the actors overall have a certain refinement and take it as seriously as they can, and, most importantly, it can be down-right fun at times. Put on your horse blinders, don't look back, and enjoy the ride.

Rating: 7/10

Director: Timur Bekmambetov (Night Watch; Wanted)
Actors: (Benjamin Walker; Dominic Cooper; Mary Elizabeth Winstead; Rufus Sewell)
Info: IMDB link
Trailer: Youtube link

Deadtime (2012)

Sex, drugs, and murder

By: JWBM

The trailer for this film looks like a promising drama, murder-mystery with a music angle. One could surmise there'll be blood, surprises, some risque scenes, and, of course, attitude—it's a rock 'n' roll story after all. 

A group of English musicians—who look like they don't get along from the get-go—are brought to a large maze of a recording studio till the sparks fly and a groundbreaking album is produced. A slasher premise is hinted at; you know the drill: cell phone reception weak, something terrible happens, and so much is at stake that it becomes a stalemate till those still standing are forced to go into survival mode when a head-cocks-this-way-and-that killer is on the loose. Once the doors are locked behind, the viewer is soon treated to a nauseating soap-opera with back and forth bickering that's neither interesting, or entertaining. The movie then jumps into more tone changes than vegetable varieties at your local supermarket. The plate isn't always set with a smooth-blend, more like, "Hey, now we're a drama; a music video; faux documentary; the romance is on; tongue-in-cheek sarcastic; oh, horror movie, right." Nothing looks back; the momentum is always forward. Though one has to ask themselves, what audience is this tailored to? The only one with that in mind after the fact is the marketer of the trailer who realized the actual movie was all over the place. 

The filmmakers intentions may have been in the right place here, as this feels like something that may have worked on paper, or even as a graphic novel where the rough kinetics of it all would have tied in better. It's over the top, it's different, and attempts to be creative, though it's not a seamless experience. It's not "Demons" or "StageFright" with a purposeful "cheesy" formula going on, but with certain worked through scenes and tones that you can get behind. Instead it dances from one scene to the next, and then manages to fall flat on nearly every one of them. Its idea of exposition is to cut and paste. I mean, it jumps feet first into an escalating drama, then tries to backtrack its motivations related to it. But ultimately drops it to go into other avenues such as some steamy scenes, rock 'n' roll antics, someone getting chased or killed, or even some random offshoot of the dark arts. The villain is weakly motivated enough to feel more uncomfortable than terrifying when this person goes all crazy. 

I'm all for films with zany plots and various twists and turns, though this feels more like an overambitious film that tries desperately to fill space; while successful in doing just that, the scenes that transpire tend to come with a case of the hiccups that only get worse and worse. If it's any consolation, it looks like it was fun for those behind the scenes. I just can't recommend this film for the casual viewer as it's most likely going to be a frustrating experience. 

Rating: 2/10

Director: Tony Jopia

Actors: Laurence Saunders, Carl Coleman 

Info: IMDB link

Trailer: Youtube link

Playback (2012)

Home movies used to be a time of innocence

By: JWBM

This is a horror film that mixes a ghostly tale from the past with video technology of the present. Back in '94, a young man by the name of Harlan Diehl films himself going "Amityville Horror" on his family. Now in 2012, a group of pretty and privileged seniors are making a shoe-string budget horror film to re-enact the murders without actually knowing all that much about the inner details. Julian—the director—digs a little further into this hush-hush story that the town would rather forget, but eventually finds himself neck deep to escape the clutches of something more sinister.

The biggest issue with "Playback" is it's too caught up with little subplots and substanceless filler. The pacing is likened to an everyday high school drama-lite that attempts to evolve into a more serious horror film. The two tones feel separate enough that one could draw a distinguishable line between, rather than providing a smooth overlap that would lure one in. I can see the logic: to get to know the characters and to make a surreal situation feel real, though it also never attempts to make them interesting past what they look like on the outside.

This plays out more as a cut and dry, back and forth experience: one moment things are a fun and promising party, to the next attempting to play investigative journalist, to then actually concentrating on the horror. About two-thirds of the way through, when things should be coming to a heart-racing culmination, it starts to lose its bearings and has trouble gaining momentum. You're left to watch the creepy post-graduate guy drive around town in his kidnapper's looking van in a fit of self-loathing, while the hopeful main star simultaneously attempts to put the pieces together of the mystery surrounding the Diehl murders.

The coolest set-up this movie had going for it was the opening when the murders were taking place. The atmosphere was at an all time high with these nightmare-like first person shots and a scratchy effect layered in. You had no idea what was going on, though it grabbed you by the throat and didn't let go. Sure there's gore and violence sprinkled about, but it's not as effective as, say, building up to it to make the audience feel the impact. The horror formula that follows after feels muddled; your brain works more to connect the dots than to find a way to run and hide. Then there are other awkward side-plots such as the character of Frank Lyons—Christian Slater—being a random pervert who pays for tapes of girls of questionable age.

As many cliches and predictable moments as there are, this isn't an outright terrible film. What saves it in areas, is the acting is mostly natural, the dialogue has a certain smoothness to it, and the direction and editing while the individual scenes are played out have a certain flow. It's just not able to come together as a whole and overcome being an overall average horror experience due to a focus that is either here or there.

Rating: 5/10

Director: Michael A. Nickles (Do You Wanna Dance?; This Is Not a Film)
Actors: Johnny Pacar, Ambyr Childers, Toby Hemingway, Christian Slater
Info: IMDB link
Trailer: Youtube link

John Dies at the End (2012)

The soy sauce chooses you

By: JWBM

This is based on one of those over-the-top, all-over-the-place books that looks to be unfilmable. Leave it to Don Coscarelli—who spearheaded the "Phantasm" films—to dive into the challenge of taking on this strange world that's full of more story arcs and changes in tone than one can safely type in one sentence... or ten. Though there's a playful consistency to it all that once it starts, you have the urge to see it till the end—and then hope for more.

"John Dies at the End" is a film that explores all of the generally deemed "crazy" ideas that you commonly and not-so-commonly hear thrown about. It's a tale that doesn't believe in normality, coincidences, or space-time for that matter. Instead it delves into the thought-I-saw-somethings, unexplainables that haunt us, what's-in-the-cards theories, or anything fantastical that defies the little you know about this plane of existence. It's "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" had a mutated baby with "The Evil Dead" and threw in some other inherent traits of its own for good measure. Hard to say who did it first. I mean, time as you know it doesn't exist, right?

David Wong—the white guy with an Asian name, who also has the same name as the real author that is also a white guy with an Asian name—has a friend named John who one night decides to take some "soy sauce" given to him at a party by a wannabe Jamaican looking guy calling himself "Robert Marley" of all things. David—the more responsible of the slackers—gets mixed up with said stuff after John calls him in a desperate panic from the experience being unlike any other drug he's taken. It's the kinda chemical that doesn't carry a warning label or approval from any organization you've heard of. Did I mention a giant bug was crawling on the wall, a random dude appears in his back seat that wasn't there before, and the dog suddenly starts to talk and can drive a car? Soon enough, trouble finds David and John and they evolve into a sort of tag team of paranormal guys with a penchant for just shrugging off all the weirdness. Just think if "Ghostbusters" downsized the quality and mentality of the team, and then stepped up the strangeness and maturity levels of the content.

This is a diverting experience that throws earthy behaviors, mannerisms, and normal ways of life into a washing machine that didn't separate its colors. The film is tongue-in-cheek and self-deprecating. It takes itself seriously, then in the next instant slaps you and itself in the face like another Stooge rose from the grave to freak everyone out. It's just a wild, zany ride of good, weird fun that can be watched on repeated occasions for not losing that magic touch of insanity. This is out-there, but far from challenging. The plethora of information does a pass-by of your brain, rather than stops and gets processed further. In its favor are endless surprises that are ultimately unpredictable. If you find it to be, you might be on the sauce yourself.

Rating: 8/10

Director: Don Coscarelli (The Beastmaster, Bubba Ho-Tep)
Actors: Chase Williamson, Rob Mayes, Paul Giamatti
Info: IMDB link
Trailer: Youtube link