Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Abraham Van Lincoln

By: JWBM

When the trailer for this film first came out, I was tightly crossing my arms and thinking this was probably nothing but a silly gimmick solely concocted by Hollywood to sell some tickets and run. Then again, Romanians probably think those odd for using loose elements of the historical figure of Vlad Tepes and transforming him into a fanged dark lord. The premise of "Vampire Hunter" is just as over-the-top and ludicrous as you'd expect, though surprisingly it has a certain level of entertainment and charm to it that manages to keep one's attention throughout. Instead of going the route of historical revisionism with a comedic approach and a vibe like "Bill & Ted" or "Clone High," this blends fantasy, action, and horror into a more serious undertaking of an alternate timeline to Lincoln's life—as serious as throwing popcorn in your mouth, while not cracking a smile from one-liners that is. You can imagine, though, Lincoln's real-life relatives are rolling in their graves.

What I like about the story is it will do something that would question your sense of disbelief, but then in the next scene act more grounded and allow room to breathe. It begins as a simple revenge tale with a formula taken straight out of the textbook of an old kung fu film. You know the one: an all-knowing master that's willing to show the ways of the secret arts in a short amount of time for the ultimate show down with the all-powerful villain who prays on the weak. You get fancy moves that defy physics, philosophical catch phrases, and now a more hardened and determined character with a silver tipped axe that acts as if he has the confidence of a gang of ten men. Lincoln still has a certain calm temperament between slayings: enough that he still doesn't lie, manages to bag the hottest lass in town, and become president of the United States of America no less with the intent to abolish slavery.

The film has a massive budget to show off an array of stylish and slick action scenes that'll make the eyes-wide and your imagination go wild. This is coming from the director of "Night Watch" and "Wanted" if that says anything for how far someone's abilities are going to be taken, or how the aesthetics of the scene will perfectly line up in a smooth fashion. Sometimes so much so that some powers and certain rules are inconsistent over the measured timing of certain parts. If not for some moments to tie in Lincoln's life, the film would be a solid action flick throughout. The horror side of it goes only as far as being mildly surprising, rather than outright terrifying due to only so many limitations from the monsters; plus an odd sense of boosted strength from humans as well. It's more like a neck and neck good versus evil tale, than a total domination creature feature.

We've seen countless vampire stories since Stoker's novel hit the shelves. Some of them tried and true Gothic tales; others more modern to look like they're happening right next door; or as an excuse for amped up sexuality, or violence. Here, we have a whole new creative animal: it's eccentric, it's unconventional, it's a history professor's worst nightmare, though one must accept that before going in. That still doesn't excuse the overall experience. It's a senseless premise that still keeps its senses when played out. It does have a certain flow that doesn't snag, a sense of worked-through plot, the actors overall have a certain refinement and take it as seriously as they can, and, most importantly, it can be down-right fun at times. Put on your horse blinders, don't look back, and enjoy the ride.

Rating: 7/10

Director: Timur Bekmambetov (Night Watch; Wanted)
Actors: (Benjamin Walker; Dominic Cooper; Mary Elizabeth Winstead; Rufus Sewell)
Info: IMDB link
Trailer: Youtube link

Altitude (2010)

Giving more reasons to stay out of the clouds

Five are about to embark on a short plane trip in a twin engine to a concert in Montreal. There's a share of joking at first--which acts something like foreshadowing for what's to come--about their departure and how some have pasts related to traveling in planes. Their confident pilot--Sara: the daughter of a Colonel--bands the rowdy group together and off they go. In the air the resident party animal/jock along with the neighborhood musician chides everyone on, while the beer-in-one-hand jock's girlfriend films with her camera and the new shy guy named Bruce--who's friends with Sara and has got a special comic he just bought--gets the brunt of it. Some rough weather is up ahead and Sara decides to climb over top since the small plane isn't equipped for the turbulence. The elevator switch becomes jammed, along with the instruments and communications, and they're headed right for terrible storm clouds with their prior jokes turning over to grave matters. All that loss of control and feeling of being trapped is capitalized here, along with other dark elements--some uncanny, some human--thrown out of left field to make flying in the skies even more nerve wrecking.

These aren't exactly the people you'd want to go through a mounting disaster with, with the exception of the pilot who holds her senses together with reason and rationale despite getting emotional at times as well. The others are trouble before they even set off, which makes the tension a little exaggerated and possibly annoying at times but still mostly effective at driving interaction between the players in the claustrophobic space and without the ground in sight. They all get disoriented and tempers start to flair, along with some hidden revelations come out about their relationships with one another due to the stressful circumstances. They have to come up with game plans if they want to survive. Some can't be trusted that they have the best interests of the group in mind. Some either hallucinate, are intoxicated or affected by an oxygen depravation. This is definitely a varied movie as the tone of the picture transitions from thriller and survival in the air to mystery, science fiction and dark fantasy genres--and then if that wasn't enough potentially romance--when some of the controls and their location can't be explained by logic or rational reasons. Some theories arise as to what it all means but then is put to rest when a final culmination wraps up drastically different from the way it started out, though refreshingly so. It might leave a dividing point between some viewers who expected one thing and got another, and is possibly more catered to the lover of films in general than a specific genre freak.

This was a surprise. The effects were decent enough for the budget with a blend of models and CGI--helped by the dark shadows and storming clouds to cover up any sharp contrasts. "Altitude" is not just a straight forward situation-gone-wrong type of movie but one that also deals with overcoming fear, rejection, insecurities and the dangers of the world on the ground and in the air. There's some reward for watching this instead of going for an entirely bleak conclusion that many horror films do--which I can't say this belongs with two feet in the genre. This is left somewhat open to interpretation of its fantasy mechanics--think along the lines of old EC comics or "Twilight Zone"--which also includes areas of inconsistences, though it still causes the imagination to open up to the possibilities, and like those fill in some of the blanks for yourself. The pacing of its revelations helps it to stay on track by progressing and growing from the outset to eventually make this an exceptional story to be told than a rehash or just going for the tried and true.

Rating: 7/10

Director: Kaare Andrews
Stars: Jessica Lowndes, Julianna Guill, Ryan Donowho, Landon Liboiron, Jake Weary
Link: IMDB

Conan the Barbarian (2011)

He'll shoulder press you AND the army you came with

As much as I enjoy the 1982 film, I'm going to review this as its own separate experience. The story element for the "Conan the Barbarian" 2011 felt pretty straightforward, as potential for more weighty subject matter was there but wasn't always emphasized, rather than jumping into one showy scene after the next. The quick pacing doesn't always give breathing room to think instead of a share of it just passing through. Since it doesn't always take advantage of one place for long, it often does itself a disservice for replay value when there aren't many layers to peel back.

A boy born in battle is destined to be a warrior, he grows up at first somewhat small and unappreciated, has another family member taken away from him and then seeks revenge at a much later time in his life when the villain so happens to be close to his master plan. It felt like too many flashy scenes surrounded by little substance of narrative to fully clench its epic proportions. It did give off certain sensations the first time around, I'll give it that, though there wasn't much to ponder on below the surface about the characters or the journey after it ended.

Jason Momoa held a presence of his own with a bulky and commanding physique, even if not ridiculously cut to the point of striation. He has a distinctive look on screen and a booming, almost professional wrestler voice. He appeared tough with some added scars and a deadpan stare, but ultimately well balanced when he was naturally wielding a sword like he owned it. Now, that's just his presence, because as for his aura there's not much else in the way of creating mystery about him, a relating ideology beyond the sword or fully capturing someone who's torn up with emotions about his lost relatives and village. He pretty much just moves from one place to the other with a loose strategy plan and it doesn't make this as gripping as the filmmakers intended with the fast flow.

The movie is very bombastic. There are various macho guy vs macho guy action scenes that include a share of candid blood shed and cruel wounds to show for it without pulling away. A particular creature scene with sand spirits was an inventive addition as they can appear from all around. There's a tad of humor, T and A nudity, a short lived love connection which leads to rescuing the damsel in distress, and then various sets of the real and CGI type that give presence of being splendid to dismal. Some of the dialogue and character setups give a sense of grand scope, though others can go over the mark to the point of hokiness. Especially some of the lines from both the villains Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang) and his odd, finger-bladed daughter Marique (Rose McGowan). I've liked both performers in other films, and they look their part here, just some of the lines delivered aren't always shown in the best light.

I've seen a share of 3D films by now and this one was somewhat distracting out of the bunch. The tight action sequences were jarring to the point of frequently throwing out my focus like no other 3D movie I've seen to date to the point of having to sit farther back than usual. For the regular, every-other-time cinema goer, I'd say "Conan the Barbarian" 2011 isn't worth the pricey ticket as it's not pressing to see beyond a fan of the genre or the prior source material. As for an action-fantasy movie it included a large amount of action to whiz by one's head, though for fantasy it had a fairly to the point unfolding of the story for the genre, which can make the experience more titillating than impacting.

Rating: 5/10

Director: Marcus Nispel (Pathfinder, Friday the 13th 2009)
Stars: Jason Momoa, Ron Perlman, Stephen Lang, Rose McGowan, Rachel Nichols
Link: IMDB, comparisons to 1982 film and Robert E. Howard stories

Island of the Fishmen (1979) - 2 of 3: Westerners in the Wild Trilogy

Island of the goggly eyes

This ambitious film is set in the 19th century, gave a dab of action-adventure with mythology to boot, some shocks of horror and a nod to science fiction if that wasn't enough. "Island of Dr. Moreau" it wasn't entirely, though the initial premise is no doubt given nod to.

The zoom ins, dated synthesizers and blatantly overdubbed sound effects that usually came with campy Italian cinema can give these pictures charm like no other. However, the inconsistent creature effects and cringe worthy miniatures unabashedly shown in close-ups, instead of rolling in the fog or covering up with shadows, were just asking too much from a viewer's imagination. Most of these films have flaws from cheap production to speedy filmmaking, mirroring what was done in the '50s/'60s, but it's just a matter of how many you are willing to overlook (especially by '79). If really easy, this could be more up your alley. If not, take the detour.

The acting and even the English dubbing were of decent and serious caliber to moving this along without being one giant accidental farce; which leads me to believe the producers gave the green light with a tight cast but without realistically scaling back their overzealous production costs. The owner of the island was villainous though a charming and eccentric gentleman, his former Bond-girl (Barbara Bach of "The Spy Who Loved Me") wife was an exquisite treat to look at, and the guest of honor, that got there from a shipwreck, was a commanding and confident presence on screen.

"Island of the Fishmen," aka "Screamers," was not as mystifying as set out to be as an adult fantasy film. Applied to the goals the filmmakers had and their ability to realistically pull them off, the old idiom "less is more" usually works better in these cases, otherwise it's a challenge to step in with both feet and truly let yourself go minus the unintentional smirks.

Rating: 4/10


Director: Sergio Martino (Torso)
Stars: Barbara Bach, Claudio Cassinelli
Link: IMDB


Facts from the Black and Red:

- Actor Claudio Cassinelli died in a helicopter accident in 1985 while on location in Arizona for another Sergio Martino movie called "Fists of Steel/Hands of Steel."

- Mudskippers, snakeheads and Senegal Bichir are fish that can survive for periods outside of water.

- The 1912 accident of Titanic had a total of 1, 517 lives lost, making it one of the most fatal peacetime disasters.