Autopsy (2008)

A hospital where the doors don't revolve

A group of 20-somethings--two gals, three guys--are reveling on Bourbon Street in New Orleans. They decide to drive back in their present state and not surprisingly crash into a tree "somewhere in Louisiana." Before the audience can say it, "Does anyone have a working phone?" "It doesn't matter. There's no signal." The budget shows with more pictures of their partying and only the after effects of the crash, rather than the actual impact. Somehow a man in a hospital gown is found underneath of their car. Out of nowhere an ambulance arrives moments later to take him away with a story that he escaped after surgery. They go along for possible aide themselves at the local facility called Mercy Hospital. There it plays on reassurances that it will all be okay, but soon turns from suspicious to then a means of survival because, that's right, this ain't gonna be a normal hospital folks.

The staff consists of four members--a nurse, two orderlies and a doctor--and they treat the newly arrived with stern attitude to distract them. It goes to show how far authority figures are trusted and can carry a command when a uniform is put on. No one's allowed to roam about or see a patient at the same time they're being examined, which leads to them becoming worried that something isn't right. One by one they're taken in and disappear to different rooms that reveal experiments and odd procedures. One of the woman named Emily, with a coincidental medical background and a questioning mind, sets about to find some answers to where her friends are and stumbles onto something that's inherent to mad science.

This is a horror story with people using medicine for evil and manipulative purposes, except they don't even try to make this a real possibility to put some paranoia into you when traveling about, or even a truly unique situation for that matter. New Orleans--might as well have been herd farmers and a shack in Mongolia. The innocent characters are thrust into "some" place, with "some" random people who all share the "same" morbid disposition. It also includes the same ol' characters that represent a body count or have to survive from some horrible and unexplainable situation they've found themselves in, except with some kind of cheap twist that momentarily changes the convention around but makes even less sense as the rest of the story. The experience just unfolds so middle of the road without even a steady subtext that it causes itself to drag its feet along rather than be on top of itself.

"Autopsy" is quite an easy film to the point--I'd imagine to a share of people--of not holding up past the first viewing. Not to mention this attempts to take itself more seriously instead of sustaining the tongue-in-cheek humor for the far-fetched and ridiculous storyline they're working with. There are a few jokes here and there but it's not to the point of making anyone roll on their side anytime soon or in the way of performing miraculous CPR to revive the picture (sorry, had to). How the story itself unfolds feels a little too hokey and over-the-top in a forced way. The out-of-reach location and overly sadistic villains that enjoy what they do a little too much makes it feel less likely to happen to you than getting struck by lightning. If this is fun, it's in the context of solely making fun of it. What they don't show you brings down the credibility of the story, such as the hospital having full use of utilities. Not to mention some of the motivations seem exaggerated to the point of not adding up, such as being on a hallucinogenic drug, unconsciously performing self-mutilation and then in the next scene being able to speak lucidly and with reason.


Its moments of scares feel somewhat forced with lightning and rain and random people popping in and out of rooms with a loud sound effect to jar senses. There are some rewarding moments where the bad guys get it in just as cruel ways as they dealt out originally. It's not exactly challenging stuff with a black and white template that makes answers--such as necessary violence to protect yourself and friends--easier to solve and digest. Some of the gore effects are a little on the cheaper side at points with some exposed guts coming out of stiff looking surrounding skin. Though there are some effectively grisly moments that range from amputation to a face caved in from blunt force. At one point towards the end there is an inventively maniacal contraption that consists of stringed together body parts.


The lead actress, Jessica Lowndes, is somewhat versatile in that she can be both tough, emotionally sympathetic and astute in character. She definitely takes it all out at points and goes beyond what was called for than treating this as a mere stepping stone, which makes it such a shame that her glowing talent was wasted on the overall turnout. Robert LaSardo takes his lines with a little more measurement, though the other bad guys, even the recognizable Robert Patrick as the head doctor, lack any kind of range to work with. Even "The Dentist" had a kind of philosophy, this just has card-board cut outs of evil medical professionals that do look the part but are only out to get people for some diabolical plan that's not even fully fleshed out. It closes with some questions of morality in which someone innocent who should have died is now living, but at the expense of others. Though quickly reverses its stance to give a little ambiguous shock value that seemed thrown in as an after thought.

Rating: 3/10

Director: Adam Gierasch (writer "Toolbox Murders," "Mortuary," "Mother of Tears")
Stars: Jessica Lowndes, Robert Patrick, Robert LaSardo
Link: IMDB

The Last Exorcism (2010)

A film crew, a Reverend and a troubled girl

"The Blair Witch Project" wasn't the first of its kind, but it did spawn a share of pseudo documentary films in the last decade. More recently "Diary of the Dead," "Quarantine" and "District 9" have embraced the style to give a level of in-the-now reporting, as well as to show how modern times have evolved with our obsession with recording anything and everything. "The Last Exorcism" has significance for the events that unfold with a special case that takes a different spin on the possession genre. It uses the format to put the audience in the moment by moment with some poetic license to make it less stiff and more entertaining than the usual documentary feature.

A Reverend named Cotton Marcus in Louisiana serves up his stimulating gospels at a small town church. Instead of getting his audience to pay attention with studious words and fine lessons, he's more gifted with a knack for enthusiasm and energy. He's a showman who loves attention and does everything from novelty magician's tricks to yelling and rapidly moving about to achieve that. He's full of tricks up his sleeves and isn't shy about that fact on camera. His honesty leads to coming right out by stating that he doesn't actually believe in demons--or possibly God--but provides a service to people to heal their mind regardless. He's still a people person despite what looks to be manipulation. Besides being good at it, one of the other justifications is money to provide for his family and to maintain the establishment of the church. Not only have preachers been in his family for generations but exorcists as well. The goal for doing the documentary is to expose exorcisms for what they really are from a little boy who suffocated in a past case from another practitioner who took things too seriously. There's a sort of self-made philosophy to his lifestyle but at times he still comes off like a too-smart-for-his-own good joker that mocks what he does.

Until he meets his match...

He goes out on a job with the usual antics and spiffy attire. On a small farm, he encounters the belligerent and unpredictable brother, Caleb, then a nice and somewhat naive teenage girl named Nell in question, and also their straight-shooting, meat-and-potatoes father. Their livestock is being indiscriminately killed in unusual ways and despite the girl's bloody clothing, they can't say for sure if it's her or not. Caleb is pushing away from a strong Christian upbringing from a previous family death, even though the rest are trying to keep their spiritual ties strong. Rev. Marcus plays right into the hands of what they want to believe anyway and declares that an exorcism is the only answer at this point to save the girl's life. Even after using his well-timed tricks, more truths come out after all the slick, prearranged smoke and mirrors clear about what's going on under the surface. Some of the characters are more dangerous than they originally let on and the film crew sticks around despite the new challenges ahead of the severely dysfunctional family.

For a story with interesting drama and charismatic characters, this movie definitely nails it to entice a viewer to want to see the rest of the story unfold. Patrick Fabian puts on an engaging performance as the Reverend and makes you believe he actually could be this guy due to there being a number of layers to his background story. Ashley Bell does both the nice and tormented transitions by being believably friendly or expressing hostility. For scares and atmosphere, this is the portion that has areas of feeling more scripted since it's more chaotic than the moderate pacing beforehand and you can notice some of the transitions don't always feel lined up as convincingly. For the latter portion this plays on a panicky cam that's usually accompanied by nails-against-the-chalkboard music to carry the state of confusion further. It's a transitional storyline that evolves at the same time as it escalates with more and more to show and tell.

Since this goes from a documentary/drama storyline to a horror, the fear portion behind "The Last Exorcism" was to catch the skeptics off guard rather than starting out by stating its intentions. Yet at times it went over its mark to not make a defensive viewer completely uncross their arms. Its beginning was often gradual and controlled but still intriguing, and then its conclusion was explosive, making it feel like it came out of no where and less grounded than it intended. The idea in itself is shocking, but where it came from or how it came to be was skipped over and it made this feel more fictional rather than going with the realistic perspective it wanted to originally achieve. It made the faux-documentary style feel a gimmick when it carried the same amount of suspension of disbelief as a conventional film. The ending tries to simultaneously wrap up the biggest questions it posed beforehand, show where the documentary takes the Reverend--since he's kind of riding between places--and then it attempts to make the experience shocking by being abrupt all at the same time. It does the last two somewhat effectively, if riding a little too much on its punchline, but it makes the first come with more riddling questions than when it began. I can imagine some might like that direct approach, as it gives the opportunity to get in and out and move onto the next film without lingering about, though it made the picture more distant to others that get a little more latched onto a concept.

The limitations of the documentary style come out after it's able to unfold the background of the characters with one on one interviews, but it doesn't always get a chance to evolve the inner workings of the background of the town's people or even the surroundings, which at first makes it seem like some random area, instead of something tainted or unique, until it's too late to get under your skin. They mention it in passing, but that's as far as that goes. I can't say it was a total cop out because it uses the same ingredients as some other horror features, just the timing and amount of foreshadowing beforehand is what makes that kind of picture truly come together and feel like one solid, culminating piece. It's like a magician who performs his magic act by setting the stage, gaining your attention and then wowing its audience with the final slight of hand trick. The timing has to be precise as it's a culmination of everything before it to a single, highly devised revelation of its total parts. This was a little more elusive about its actions and didn't give its audience enough time to truly take it in. It can catch people off guard but I can't say it sustains that effect for very long. This is definitely worth the rental but not necessarily the purchase price for that reason.

It looks that "The Last Exorcism 2" is announced for 2012 and might clear up some answers.

Rating: 6.5/10

Director: Daniel Stamm (A Necessary Death)
Stars: Patrick Fabian, Ashley Bell, Iris Bahr, Louis Herthum, Caleb Landry Jones
Link: IMDB

Hatchet II (2010)

The return of blood and honey

"Hatchet II" should instead be called "1.5" as it's a direct continuation right after the events from the last scene in part one with Marybeth face-to-face with the muscular and deformed maniac Victor Crowley. After getting away, a deal is struck between Reverend Zombie (Tony Todd) and Marybeth (Danielle Harris) to go back into Crowley's lair and take him out and retrieve her father and brother's remains along with a group of hunters as their backup posse. Little do the shady, redneck looking locals know what they're really getting into apart from being blinded by the prospect of money but unaware of the bloody massacre last night on Honey Island Swamp.

The survival horror aspects are handled better than the first. Marybeth is still searching for resolution as well as the newly met twin is looking for his brother, while there are others returning that originally slighted Victor Crowley, and then there's the handsome reward on the line that people need despite the danger. It gives the story some more layers and certain deaths more meaning, while others, of course, are just included for pure entertainment fodder. The killings are still ridiculously gory, though the tone slightly shifted from less of the over-the-top cartoon side to a more darker and dramatic side with some twisted humor still intact that is more tongue-in-cheek than laugh out loud. Some characters are solely here to inject feeling, while others simply a token comedic angle. There's a little more suspense concentrated on with some wailing cries and build up before Crowley comes stepping out from a bush or tree to cruelly reign in his buckets of blood terror.

"Hatchet II" is a short and mostly direct experience that keeps the traction forward once it starts moving past the gradually paced introduction phase. Danielle Harris is new to the role but picks right back up and effectively plays a traumatized and tormented young woman looking for resolve. This still plays on horror conventions and doesn't provide anything substantially new, though you get a little more back-story--with "Tales from the Crypt" cheese written all over it with an ill wife, infidelity and supernatural curses--and some of the death scenes are inventive in their maliciousness. The exact rules to the game are never fully outlined apart from echoing that he's a "repeater," which takes away from the challenge and makes him indestructible. After watching the characters go through trial and error in the first, this time around it feels partly like a formula and that you're being strung along till there's another movie. Compared to the first, part two concentrated on more atmosphere with the settings getting darker but while still balancing a somewhat fun experience in between that fairs a little better.

Rating: 6/10

Director: Adam Green (Frozen)
Stars: Danielle Harris, Kane Hodder, Tony Todd
Link: IMDB

Hatchet (2006)

A one way tour

"Hatchet" is a horror tale that takes place in New Orleans like "Candyman 2," "Dracula 2000," "The Skeleton Key" and even "Interview with the Vampire," except the tone shifts away from the ominous shadows captured in the past and goes in and out of slapstick, almost cartoonish comedy with gruesome blood and gore shown to still make it a sadistic ride.

New Orleans, Louisiana, or NOLA, is home to the fleur de lis, festive masks, plastic beads and according to this movie Victor Crowley who haunts a particular stretch of swampland most locals stay clear of out fear of flesh eating alligators or just plain old superstitions--sometimes both. A couple of buddies are living up the party life in the French Quarter, when two break off for a haunted tour on the bayou that looks about as hokey as they come. Their tour guide is a Victorian dressed Asian guy with fake local accent, laughable theatrics and drives them around in the "Scare Bus" and "Scare Boat." We get the goofy young dude, token black hipster, quiet woman, enthusiastic older couple, two bimbos--one smart, one dumb--and a horny guy to film them topless with his camera any chance he gets.

On the way back from the unbelieving tour--due the guide reading off cue cards and providing exaggerated information--the boat gets stuck. When one of them steps off a ravenous gator leaps out to take a nibble but is stopped when the quiet woman suddenly pulls a gun. She's carrying because she is looking for her siblings who suspiciously went missing a few days before. The rest of the group soon jumps off to land when the boat starts to sink, thus starting the second half. The woman proceeds to tell them one ghost story they soon believe: that the disfigured Victory Crowley actually exists and they're all in for heaps of trouble if they don't stick together and avoid his blood-craving, vengeful hatchet.


One by one they're hunted by the "Elephant Man" on roids. The film has some extremely gory death scenes, though quickly turns into a bunch of misguided idiots running scared back and forth in the woods as Crowley literally pops out of nowhere to go "arrggghhh!" They have to figure out how the rules--that is if there are any rules--work to kill him before they all get taken alive in a heinously bloody fashion. Never hearing of Murphy's law, they never once get the hint to check if he's dead after wounding him at different times. "Hatchet" is certainly not boring and actually has some funny and crude humor with some well timed out chemistry for comedy. I felt this was its strength along with some over-the-top gory scenes that put some slashers of the '80s to shame due to MPAA guidelines and this being the day and age of the unrated to sell DVDs. Though the survival horror part towards the second half feels unrefined, as if the filmmakers made it up as they went in a rush like they ran out of money or ideas. Even if it's giving obvious homage to slashers and is going for intentional humor, that still doesn't excuse it so easily.

Rating: 5/10

Director: Adam Green (Coffee & Donuts)
Stars: Kane Hodder, Joel David Moore, Deon Richmond, Tony Todd
Link: IMDB